Personal History Tag & Quilty Confessions TagJune 29, 2016
If you've read my blog for a while now, you know that I love tag posts; I love to read them on other blogs, or to fill them in myself. Today on the blog I'm discussing the Quilty Confessions Tag and the Personal History tag. So... tag along! It's a long read!
1. Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best?
I think... a particular relationship that stranded. I was devastated at first, but it was oh so necessary. The guy stripped me completely of my self-respect throughout the years and it seemed I didn't care. All I wanted was to stay in that relationship. My soulmate dragged me out of that toxic relationship when it got really out of hand, and from that moment on I could look back at what actually happened. I became ever so grateful that the relationship stranded. It is still one of the best things that happened in my life.
2. What was one of the best parties you’ve ever been to?
Oh, that must've been one of my own. I loved to throw parties and invite a lot of my friends and we partied hard 'till 05.00 in the morning. We drank, laughed a lot, sometimes took a walk outside in the snow in the midst of the night, and played games. It was much fun and I treasure those days immensely.
3. What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up?
Penny Dreadful! It's as if they wrote that show for me. In a way I can relate to Vanessa Ives, and understand her; always fighting against her demons. I also loved the camaraderie in the series. Plus, what's not to love about Penny Dreadful: it has all the classics in it such as Dracula, Mina Harker, a werewolf, witches, Dorian Gray, Victor Frankenstein!
I am só sad that it ended after season 3. I will miss the show very much. I cried intensely at the end! I loved the music and the poetry used. The atmosphere of Penny Dreadful is simply marvelous. Too bad it ended. (I am looking at you, John Logan!)
4. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done?
Bury my soulmate back in 2011; losing him was só hard that it became one of my major traumas. I've talked often of him on this blog and he's still very much in my mind these days. It's not true that time heals all wounds. I, for one, never properly processed and mourned his death, which resulted in that I now suffer complicated grief and mourning. I am in therapy for that and it's hard.
All those feelings of mourning and grief that I blocked, back in 2011, as a way to deny his death and as a way to not feel these intense feelings, are coming back to me. Fully. I now have to take all those steps again, with full conscience this time, to finally and properly mourn and grief in order to give this loss a place.
5. What was the last experience that made you a stronger person?
When I started painting again after many years!
6. What did you do growing up that got you into trouble?
Actually, I've never been in trouble much. Not with the law anyway. But when I was 16, I was a punk and together with my punk friends we did some lousy mischief, because we thought it was cool and part of the punk image. It was nothing serious. My friends were much braver than I was, by the way.
7. When was the last time you had an amazing meal?
Every day! I am really blessed to have an amazing meal every day. I cook something new every day and I really enjoy doing it, no matter how long my day has been, or how tired I am. I love to use fresh ingredients that are healthy for me and are cruelty free. I've always loved good food and I enjoy trying out new things every day. I realize I am lucky, cause not every one has the luxury of a good meal on their plate.
8. What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever given/received?
Oh I really can't say, honestly, because I don't like to think that way. You know, gifts come from the heart and it's the thought behind them that counts. No matter how big or how small, or how weird the gift is... someone wanted to give you something; I cherish that. All gifts are equal to me.
I remember back in 2011 when I stayed in a clinic for a while, there was a man who was so frustrated with himself and so locked up in his own world. He was very dependant on me, but slowly I got him out of his shell and I saw him revive. He smiled and made jokes again.
One day, he came to me and presented me a beautiful tiny seashell he found on the street, as a gesture to say thank you to me that I got him out of his shell (he didn't say it with those words, but it was clear to me). I heard many people say what a silly gift and gesture it was. But they were so wrong!
I still have the seashell in my memory box, by the way, and the man in question and I still have contact. I treasure this friendship!
9. What do you miss most about being a kid?
Although I've always been a child with an old soul, who met and experienced the dark side of life earlier than most children of my age, I had a certain air about me that, no matter what happened, it would all turn out okay. Í would be okay. I kind of lost that feeling and airiness when I grew older. I worried less as a child than I do now, and I miss that.
10. What is your first memory of being really excited?
That must've been when I was 11. Eversince I knew what dogs were, I wanted one só badly. Sadly I was (and am) allergic to most animals, and my parents did not dare to take the risk of bringing a dog home (even though we already had a cat; I was not allergic to her). But what if I got so sick that the dog had to go? It would break my heart. I understood my parents, but my desire to have a dog was huge.
When I was 11, they decided to take the risk and told me that we were going to have a Jack Russell terrier pup. I was so excited, I broke down in tears (of happiness). I couldn't sleep for days.
Luckily it all went well and I was not allergic to the dog. He lived with us to old age. I am not allergic to my cats either; it appears my body became tolerant of their fur. But when I visit other peoples home, I do get sneezy. Especially if they have birds or Guinea pigs.
11. What was the first thing you bought with your own money?
When I received my first salary, the first thing I did was hop on the train and I shopped 'till I dropped in Amsterdam. I am not entirely sure what the first thing was that I bought, it's been a long time ago.
12. When was the last time you were nervous?
Last week! I had to travel by train to a large city, and with all these horrible terrorist attacks, I was afraid something might happen.
13. What is something you learned in the last week?
Where my limits are; due to a hectic week the lines became blurry. I overstepped my limits myself and payed for it.
14. What does your family always tell about you?
That I am an artist who models, writes, designs, photographs, paints, draws... and who got stuck in a time machine with her digital camera taking pretty selfies for her social media.
15. At what age did you become an adult?
At the tender age of 12. I am not going to expand on this. But... 12.
1. What is your guilty pleasure?
Don't laugh, but I am what you call a Taphophile (also called a tombstone-tourist) for as long as I can remember. I love graveyards and I can be found often wandering the very old, huge, graveyard in my hometown, seeking quietness. It's so peaceful there; full of tall old trees, a pond, historic graves of prominent people in Zutphen, playing squirrels and chirping birds. I love to take care of the forgotten graves; clean them, remove the foliage, bring them flowers. I also love to photograph unique and old graves, or visit graves of famous people.
I remember when I was in Newcastle upon Tyne, next to our hotel was a véry old cemetery - the newest grave there was from 1901. I was having ball!
Suffice to say: my bucket list includes visiting the Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris, and the Westwood Village Memorial Park in L.A. someday!
Oh, well, some call it/me macabre! ;-)
2. Share something you did a long time ago that you’re still ashamed of.
I have a bit of mixed feelings about this situation. I am ashamed but proud at the same time.
It's this: I have never in my life learned for an exam in my school-time. Why am I proud? I passed all my exams in one go. I am not lowly educated at all, but I could have been higher educated than I am now. Yet, I have three degrees in my pocket and I am proud of that. But, ashamed that I did not give my full dedication to learning. School was boring to me, I just wanted to be an artist.
3. Share one bad habit you have.
I procrastinate. But then... I work best with a deadline.
4. Reveal one lie you’ve told. Big or small.
Someone asked me once how many pair of shoes I owned (which is a lot). I named a number lower than the actual amount, so I wouldn't sound like a shoe obsessed materialistic woman. *Blush*. But the truth is: I do have an obsession for shoes.
5. What is one silliest thing you got upset or angry over?
A woman who obtruded in the row of the supermarket. She knew what she was doing and it makes me so angry!
6. Something you’re really bad at:
Mathematics! It's Hebrew to me. I suffer dyscalculia, but I found my way around it.
7. Share something you preach but never do.
Let bygones be bygones. As much as I want to live like that, I still live too much in the past sometimes.
8. Have you ever stolen before? If so, what?
Does the clothing of my sister count? I did that when I was very young and decided I had nothing to wear.
9. Reveal one act of revenge.
Like George Herbert says: Living well is the best revenge. You see, I don't want to be a woman who takes revenge when someone treats me bad. It gets me nowhere and it's a waste of my time. I think when you want to take revenge on someone who treats you unjust, it means that the person does something to you, you feel something for them, either bad or good. I simply refuse to make space for such people in my life. So, my "revenge" is always living well; you know... people who hate you, hate to see you're living well.
10. Name somebody you envy.
I think I slightly envy my brother in law.
Alexander, my brother in law, is in the midst of emigrating to Norway. A country I have always wanted to live. Alexander is really fed up with the European Union and its bureaucratism and wants to leave it all behind and so he does. He's an international truckdriver who felt passed over by his own country when Polish immigrants were employed as truckdrivers in Dutch transport companies, as they are much cheaper employees than Dutch truckdrivers. It resulted in him (and many other truckers) having difficulties finding work. Norway gives him plenty of chances to do what he loves.
Like me, Alexander always felt a deep connection with Norway. He's now learning the Norwegian language and is moving there soon. I do feel a little envious; I'd love to make such a big step myself someday, and live somewhere else for a while. But it takes a lot of courage to do so.
11. Mischievous thing you did in your childhood.
Ding-dong ditching, ofcourse!