Upcoming photoshoot and my thoughtsJune 05, 2013
Lately I have been dubbing to end my modelling career and focus myself more and more on television. I am modelling already for quite a while and though it never bores me and there will always be good photographers with refreshing concepts, I grew a bit tired of it. The questions that rose to my mind were: am I still devoted to modelling, am I still capable of doing it the right way? Do I still have the power over my body to pose the poses I want it to pose (sometimes posing can feel very unnatural), and...am I not working on the automatic pilot? Cause, as a model, I always felt that working on the automatic pilot would be the worst thing that could happen. You might pose right but something will be missing in the results. Modelling requires dedication, focus, attention, and energy. I do wake up with muscle pain after a photoshoot (and that tells me I have done my utter best) and I certainly feel old when that occurs, even though I am in the blooming period of my life. I am only 26. When I would be a catwalk or fashion model I would be way too old to do all this, but fortunately for myself I chose a different path. I think, when modelling the past, it asks for even more focus and dedication because there's nothing so bad as portraying history wrong! But perhaps that's just me, the nostalgist, talking. Anyway, I am also a perfectionist. And when doing a photoshoot, I want it all to be perfect, otherwise I am very irritable to others and myself. I am asking myself the extreme.
I am going through a so called snowball effect lately. There are a few magazines coming out with me in them and more and more media are getting to know me. And the more the media gets to know you, the more you'll get asked.
There are times that I am so deadly tired that I just want to retreat into a quiet log cabin in the woods with only my animals to keep me company and get no attention at all from people. Cause believe me; being a nostalgic causes attention! Do not get me wrong; I am terribly happy that I am being acknowledged for what I am doing for a living and that I am finally getting so close to where I wanted myself to be: be in films. But I have always been a shy girl who likes to be alone when she wants to be alone - and that's quite alot of times to speak the truth. Don't get me wrong again: I am not the reincarnation of Greta Garbo! I just value my 'me-time'. I avoid even the closest people around me at those times. Being so attached to your privacy and 'me-time', modelling and acting is really a weird way to spend your life. But oh..it's not that, when I go outside, hordes of photographers and interviewers stand outside my doors trying to get a picture of me (people do ask my autograph though). But I am being recognized on the streets. And sometimes that's a scary thought. Being in film makes things not different though! Silly me.
What it will be like? Wellll.. I cannot show and tell you everything, but here a hint?!