Through adversity to the stars

August 22, 2011

My world is still shattered due to the loss of my beloved Steve. I am still not back to the rythm of daily life, and it will probably take me a long time before I get there. I've never lost a person so close and so dear, and thus I have no idea how to deal with these feelings of deep black mourn. I spend my days in bed, and I haven't eaten or laughed for days. But, people tell me that's normal when your in mourning, even tho all the 'normal' things look so useless to me. To me it ... doesn't feel good to live my life like I did, before the loss of my soulmate. I am still waiting for his everyday phonecalls where he will say 'Hi sweetheart' or 'Hiya petal, how are u?' with his cheery Geordie voice. My days are sorely empty, especially now that Steve and I won't be visiting the Finnegans Irish pub together anymore; like we used to do daily. Or just watch movies and drink alcohol free beer, cuddle and kiss, and fall asleep in eachothers arms. I miss his jokes, and the strength he always gave me to crawl up out of the depths when I have my bad days. Never in my life have I experienced such a strong bond and connection with someone, as I had with Steve. Steve always chuckled and said: "Ohh petal, we are quite a couple." And then I said: Oh you are nuts. And he answered with: Well, petal, it takes one to know one. Me: Yeah, I quess I am a nut aswell, that's why we get along so well. He always told me that what we had was so special, and so strong. So .. even though he's in the here-after now, no one can take away our good bond, and I am damn sure he's still watching over me.

A few days before the passing of Steve; the talented graphic designer/photographer Robin Peterman and I had a photoshoot at a military graveyard. I was a bit anxious, as Robin has photographed so many professional models. But he was very impressed about my way of working. We were shooting a tribute for the fallen RAF pilots, and we are both very satisfied with how the shoot turned out. I came up with the idea to not only make this a tribute to the fallen RAF pilots, but aswell for my British soulmate, who loved the RAF as much as I do. Oh we could talk about it for hours while enjoying a drink. The motto of the RAF is "Per Ardua Ad Astra", which means "Through adversity to the stars" or "Through battles to the stars". The title fits Steve very much, as he fought so many inner battles in his life aswell, and eventually ended up with the stars wee to soon.

Ofcourse, like usual when I post a shoot; fitting music.
{ Click on the pictures to enlarge them }

Photography: Robin Peterman
Model: Lindsay Lane
MUA/Hair/Styling: Lindsay Lane
Grave: Sergeant Jack Wilson
All thanks goes out to "Stichting Broken Wings"

"Per Ardua Ad Astra"
Through adversity to the stars.

Tribute to the fallen RAF pilots.
And aswell a tribute to my beloved Steve, who loved the RAF as much as I do.
Steve, you will be sorely missed
11.06.1960 - 11.08.2011

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  1. I hope you'll feel better soon.
    It will never be as it was, I know... but Steve wouldn't have wanted to make you cry... you must be strong...

    The photos look good. RAF pilots should be remembered more than they are.

  2. One day at a time,my thoughts are with you.

  3. Wow. Those photos turned out amazing! :)

  4. Yeah, These photos are Amazing! :)

  5. Beautiful shots. Grief is an all consumming thing. It will let go at some point - but never fully.

  6. It's hard work to grieve. *hugs*

    The photos are amazing and you look very lovely, but I hope you don't mind that I like the very last one the best, even if you are in teh background. I must say that I have never seen a photo being able to convey the feeling of having lost someone as that one do.

  7. I'm so sorry for your loss, I'm behind on blog reading and had no idea. Just take it one day at a time. Your photographs are beautiful and very moving x

  8. These photos are simply stunning. You are able to portray so many emotions in one photo, it's just beautiful. Well done, I love them all!

  9. The photo's are beautifull... I love the last on.
    I hope you are feeling a bit better now. Steve will always be with you in your heart and in your memories.

  10. I’m very sorry for your loss. This photos are amazing, it’s beautiful tribute for the RAF pilots and for your beloved Steve.


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